Rev Martina Schmidt's Blog

(Today's Blog is dedicated to my cousin & Soul friend Michael C.) I knew I would like her the minute she walked into the waiting room.  Her black cowboy boots with hot pink angel wings and sparkles made me smile.  "Thank you" I silently whispered to God.   It was a simple message, in Soul words- "She will understand you". It's been over 6 years since I've been to the doctor. Yes, I know some of you women are gasping at the lack of yearly physicals, etc.  but..... that's my choice.  I'm a nature girl all the way.  I have no need for a pap, or breast exam- no matter what the fear of the world is around me.  Why?  Because if cancer where to enter my world- I would simply keep living the loving nourishing way I have been for the last six weeks, and if that didn't do the trick.... I'd allow myself to move onto the next adventure in the next world.  Death has NO fear for me.  I trust it's timing, no matter what. So...

It's been a hell of a hard month.... not everyday, but the days that are difficult are so hard they bleed into the few days after.  Ever have days like that? I am going through a rebirthing process.  Birth is NEVER easy, it is challenging for the mother and for the new child being born.  As a nurse in Mom/baby I watched more births than I can count, and every one left me in tears with the beauty and miracle of the experience...... every single one.  It wouldn't matter if I walked in right before the delivery or spent hours with the mother to be- it was deeply emotionally touching to witness.  And, it had me in tears every time. Right now I am rebirthing myself.  And I am also witnessing the birth.  So I am mother, child and midwife- and it is exhausting. My contractions are waves huge waves of grief that come unexpectedly, without provocation or cause.  When the first one hit me a few weeks ago, I thought "Holy shit this sucks!".  But...