Rebirth...... and tidal waves of Grief.
It's been a hell of a hard month.... not everyday, but the days that are difficult are so hard they bleed into the few days after. Ever have days like that? I am going through a rebirthing process. Birth is NEVER easy, it is challenging for the mother and for the new child being born. As a nurse in Mom/baby I watched more births than I can count, and every one left me in tears with the beauty and miracle of the experience...... every single one. It wouldn't matter if I walked in right before the delivery or spent hours with the mother to be- it was deeply emotionally touching to witness. And, it had me in tears every time. Right now I am rebirthing myself. And I am also witnessing the birth. So I am mother, child and midwife- and it is exhausting. My contractions are waves huge waves of grief that come unexpectedly, without provocation or cause. When the first one hit me a few weeks ago, I thought "Holy shit this sucks!". But...