Letting go of Instant Gratification......

This year has been such a journey for me- a wonderful, healing, piss me off and bring out the nasty in me (because that shit's got to go) kind of year.
I just celebrated my 45th birthday.  It was insignificant in the grand experience of my life- and I am deeply thankful for that.  I actually had a calm, loving and peaceful day with myself and my husband.  Having used to be someone who really NEEDED my birthday to be a big deal- you know expecting everyone to send me a card, have a local parade & sing to me as I walk down the street- kind of expectation.  But, interestingly now, I don't feel that way anymore.  I am just really really happy to let it be simple.  I wish I could share some profound wisdom with you as to how this came to be- but I have no idea what the fuck happened.  I am just plain ol' happy I was born.
That being said, this year has been filled with some serious "aha" moments for me.  As I have said in a few of my other blogs, I have been faci…

Dream Big

I just completed this piece called, "Dream Big".  My artwork has always been a reflection of what I most need to hear from my Soul in this moment to grow spiritually.

This week I began listening to my Soul by painting a HUGE canvas I purchased from goodwill.  It was covered with what looked like an Alien woman walking down the street in Paris by the Eiffel tower with a scary poodle and a hat that filled up half the painting- all done in blue, white and black. Probably one of the ugliest paintings I've seen.  But a canvas that's 3ft x 3ft for $7.99- I couldn't pass that up!

I was even a little embarrassed taking it up to the counter to pay for it.  I kept getting raised eyebrows and a few snickers.  I just kept smiling and said,  "I'm rescuing it" to anyone who'd listen.

Then over a process of many days and at least 7 layers of paint I stood back and thought- "My goodness there's so much going on here, I don't really know where to …

Trust your Joy

SO many changes have been flooding my life.  It's monsoon season here in Arizona, so no surprise the weather matches my world.  
As I open myself to pursuing a whole new path of putting my artwork "out there" in the market- researching sales reps, trade shows, marketing strategies, reading books on selling your artwork as a business, I am overwhelmed by so many choices, and "shoulds" crowding my mind.  I've never been for the small time world- I like to "go for it", to do my best and give it everything I've got.  
I am reminded of the funny quote by Hunter S. Thompson- “Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a Ride!” But so many choices...... so many directions to go and so much money needed to get there.  I find myself stressing over the …

Clean Eating and Clean Living.....

Man I feel great! Me and My Sweet Hubby Swimming at Fossil Creek in AZ.
My winter really sucked the life out of me..... literally.  I was hanging on a thread every single day.
Diagnosed with Adrenal Exhaustion, I made the decision to do everything I could to change that.  So I took that last thread of energy and I used it to ask for help- from God, from my doctor and most of all from myself.

And God, my doctor and I all answered that call.

Slowly but consistently my adrenal exhaustion has been improving & my energy levels have been feeling normal and my life feels full again.  I cannot tell you how great it feels to be able to get up at 5:30am, totally awake and ready to go for the day!  And to make it through the day without energy crashing and wanting to crawl under a rock to shut out the world- that's a great feeling to be able to cross of my list.

But, I had to give up a few things along the way in this commitment to my own wellness......
-my need to push myself all day lo…

Taking a Love Bath

(Today's Blog is dedicated to my cousin & Soul friend Michael C.)

I knew I would like her the minute she walked into the waiting room.  Her black cowboy boots with hot pink angel wings and sparkles made me smile.  "Thank you" I silently whispered to God.   It was a simple message, in Soul words- "She will understand you".
It's been over 6 years since I've been to the doctor. Yes, I know some of you women are gasping at the lack of yearly physicals, etc.  but..... that's my choice.  I'm a nature girl all the way.  I have no need for a pap, or breast exam- no matter what the fear of the world is around me.  Why?  Because if cancer where to enter my world- I would simply keep living the loving nourishing way I have been for the last six weeks, and if that didn't do the trick.... I'd allow myself to move onto the next adventure in the next world.  Death has NO fear for me.  I trust it's timing, no matter what.
So for me to visit the…

Rebirth...... and tidal waves of Grief.

It's been a hell of a hard month.... not everyday, but the days that are difficult are so hard they bleed into the few days after.  Ever have days like that?

I am going through a rebirthing process.  Birth is NEVER easy, it is challenging for the mother and for the new child being born.  As a nurse in Mom/baby I watched more births than I can count, and every one left me in tears with the beauty and miracle of the experience...... every single one.  It wouldn't matter if I walked in right before the delivery or spent hours with the mother to be- it was deeply emotionally touching to witness.  And, it had me in tears every time.

Right now I am rebirthing myself.  And I am also witnessing the birth.  So I am mother, child and midwife- and it is exhausting.

My contractions are waves huge waves of grief that come unexpectedly, without provocation or cause.  When the first one hit me a few weeks ago, I thought "Holy shit this sucks!".  But I was determined to embrace it…

And the journey of healing myself begins......

The road of healing is not an easy one..... the road to illness, well now that's been a long waterslide for me- easy, slippery and downhill fun all the way.  When I hit that pool at the bottom, which I did three months ago, I realized how high that climb back up to the top was going to be.
The last 10 years have been so hard on my body- let me rephrase that, I have been so hard on my body.  After so many years of overworking myself, over-giving and only minimally addressing my basic physical needs- I finally hit bottom.  My body gave up.

I thought all was well until about three months ago I crashed physically.  I could barely sleep more than a few hours at a time without waking up with nightmares and anxiety.  My heart would be racing and my stomach growling.  My blood sugar was crashing and signaling my adrenals to wake me up quickly so that I would wake up the next day.  My adrenals were on their last limb and I was feeling it in every way.

My body ached all the time and I was …