Calling all Rescuers & Need to be Heroes

Yesterday as I sat in my seat as "spiritual counselor", coaching another client on the road of life, I was struck by the urge to shake him and say, "Do you know how f*cking amazing you are? Why do you continue to settle for so much less than you deserve? Get over her and move on!"

Doing the work I do as a healer and counselor, I see what I call "switches" inside each and every beautiful Soul, that have been turned off by pain and rejection. Switches that need to be turned back on for that person to be happy and productive in their life.

Switches that say, "I am a miracle, I am a gift, I am enough, and I can!"

So on this day, I wanted to run through the halls of his heart, flipping switches like a crazy warrior.  Screaming, "Damn them all!  You are amazing and worthy and lovable!"

But, I didn't.

Instead I sat, listened and reflected back what he needed to hear to flip a switch for himself.  I loved him gently and passively, so he could choose LOVE for his own.  And mostly because the nudge of spirit wagged it's finger at me in an "ah ah ah" manner.

My Spirit guide Red Eagle reminded me, "If you flip on his switches, he won't get the joy of doing it himself.  You'll be robbing him of what he came here to experience."

(Sigh)

Some days, just listening and just loving gently are hard. Some days, you just want to give somebody a little push, (ok maybe a shove) in the right direction.  And, I'm certainly good at giving nudges, pushes, and shoves in my office from time to time.

But most days it's important to let someone choose LOVE for themselves all on their own.  It's essential to let them find their way through the challenge and come out the other side with the glow of "I DID IT!" all over their face.

But it also means that when you see them stuck in the challenge and it's sh*t instead of glory all over their face, you have to be patient and encouraging instead.

I came into this world a rescuer- a hero, ready to love the hell out of any wounded soul who came my way.  To my own exhaustion most times, I dove in to fight for the underdog over and over again.  And it wasn't until I grew up and recognized that most times I was doing it for my own gratification and feelings of being the "superhero" for others, that I had to take a step back and look at the shadow side of rescuing.

It's like Red Eagle said, I was robbing my friends and family of the joy of coming to that decision for themselves and strengthening the love it requires to get there.

It wasn't pretty.  Nope, kind of snarly and guilt filled when it got right down to it.  Because you see, being the hero meant that I was only validating their inability to do it for themselves.  It meant, secretly I was saying, "you can't, but I can.... aren't I amazing?  don't you need me forever now?"

I've learned doing it for someone, or telling someone what to do,  isn't as nice as we tell ourselves it is.  In fact, it's downright intrusive.

Yep.  If you're a rescuer like me, you'll recognize the barbed wire in that truth.  Ouch.

There is actually a pretty ending for us rescuers.  I promise.  But it takes incredible courage and patience.

I learned that my intentions were rooted in LOVE and Being Loved..  So I focused first on the BEING LOVED- by learning to really love myself.  Which then freed me up from needing anyone else to do so.  This gave me the gift of detachment and authenticity.

Then when I felt LOVED- the person I was there to help was off the hook for having to fill my need.  So I could focus on LOVING them instead.

And loving looks like this: the gifts of patience, encouragement, acceptance, and appreciation.

And these gifts become a light that shines on flipped off switches- holding steady so the one you love can reach inside and switch it on.

And together you can celebrate the move from sh*t to shinola!