Interestingly enough the topic of suicide has come up several times in the last week.  I started reading a book about a woman who lost her son to suicide and is now communicating with him in the afterlife. I had reached out to a woman on facebook who had lost her son to suicide and was asking people to accept a photo of him in their home so that her son could "see the world" as he had always wanted to do, and to help increase suicide awareness, and then several questions came in from many of you about suicide.

So, I am going to the CREW with these questions today in meditation...... are you ready to go deep?

Me- Ok guys, first question.  "When a person commits suidice do they usually regret having done so when they get to the other side?"

John- (my fransican monk with twinkly blue eyes and pure white hair) Yes and no would be the truthful answer to that question young lady.  The person whom chooses to end their own life most usually experiences several emotions immediately upon passing.

The first thing is a calm awareness that they are no longer in their body and also an awareness of a quietness or peace within their own mind.  Their minds have been such painfully filled places of conflict up to this point, that the immediate sense of peace is quite stunning to them.  

Secondly, they notice their body and there is a sense of detachment but also awareness that they have been successful in taking their own life.  

At this point they may or may not be aware of the presence of a guide or loved one in the space with them.  This loved one or guide remains quiet to allow the newly passed Soul to process the choice they have made.

The Soul tends to now move forward to the moment where his or her body is discovered to experience the results of this choice on those they love.  They witness this very directly and can feel this pain as if it is there own.  This is not done as a form of punishment, but is a full desire of the Soul to KNOW and Understand the results of this choice fully.  This is where the feeling of remorse always occurs.  This experience of observing and experiencing can last as long as the Soul chooses.  There is no 'hurry up' with this.  

Please know that the Soul is not suffering during this experience, however they are aware and able to feel the emotions quite clearly, but there is a strong presence of understanding and peace as well that flows through their being as they are observing and understanding what they are experiencing.

This is hard for us to explain to you, because to be able to know sadness and also be at peace and know 'all is well' is a difficult and rare experience for those of you who are in this low density reality.  Perhaps imagine you are sad and someone you love and trust very deeply is holding you upon their lap with their arms wrapped around you and you KNOW that you are safe, that you are loved and that this is necessary but will pass.  It would make the experience quite different.  But even this cannot come close to the love that is offered the Soul in this moment.

Once the Soul feels complete in it's witnessing of all of this, it begins to move upwards in frequency very quickly into a state of pure joy and bliss.  This is where the life review occurs and all the experiences are 'downloaded' into the greater self, what one might call an OverSoul and this is a complete sharing experience.  NO judgement is ever expressed here.  

During this life review, You, being a brave and courageous Soul, will see what you might call, 'missed opportunities to love' and you will also see and feel all the love that you brought through you into the world.  You and only you will make any judgements about the experience.  You will also completely and fully understand what brought you to the decision to end your life upon the Earth plane.  You will see the effects of that choice firsthand- including all the love that you could have continued to bring upon the Earth had you stayed.  It is quite common for a Soul to decide in this moment to come back and try this again.  

Let me be clear, this is not a requirement!  It is a natural outcome of a brave and courageous Soul who's greatest joy is to overcome suffering and to assist others in overcoming suffering.  

Frank (a fransican monk as well but much younger than John in appearance)  I have a great analogy!
Think of when you play a video game.  You love winning right?  Seeing how far  you can get, what level you can beat the next time.  It is very rare that you end the game after one try and say 'screw this' it's too hard.  You want to show that game who's boss!

Me (laughing)- Frank, I hate video games...... well most of those stupid shoot em up and kill em ones.

Frank- Ok, well then think of your little cute Yoshi character.  You played that game until you made it through the whole thing.  I think it took you 6 months (laughing at me)

Me- I'm totally embrarrased right now, because you are absolutely right.

John- So using Frank's analogy..... You, as an aware Soul, now see where you could have helped yourself make it through this challenging life and how your life made such a big difference in those around you in helping them to conquer it as well.  And so it is a natural desire to go back and try again.

Me- Does everyone do this, or do some choose not to come back?

John- Not everyone makes that choice, but most do.  

Red Eagle (my Master Guide) This is something we think could help those who are contemplating suicide to stick it out.  If they knew that they will most likely choose to come back and face all the same challenges again, go through all the suffering again just to try to master that moment and choose life, to choose love the next time, they might instead try to master it from right where they are now.  

Frank- Yeah- think of how pissed you'd be if someone erased the memory on your game and all those levels you'd already mastered were wiped away and you had to start the whole game over from scratch.

Me- Yeah, all that work wasted.  I get it.

John- But back to the feeling of remorse and the Yes and No of it.  Once the Soul is brought into the life review and completes it they move into an incredible indescribable bliss.  Their Soul family surrounds them, and is completely overjoyed to connect and reunite with them.  They have no judgement about the suicide although they may tease or challenge the Soul lovingly about it.  But is done in such a playful way with total understanding.

Me- Ok, next question.....If a Soul isn't supposed to cross over until it's ready, wouldn't divine intervention stop him or her from taking their own life?

Ann- Not necessarily.  You do decide before you come, the day of your own passing.  And actually you set up several moments of opting out!  Just look back over your life and I'm sure you will see a few moments of close calls..... these were moments you had a leaving option that you decided from a soul level not to take.

You are given free will in this life regarding being here or not- this you also know when you prepare to come into your incarnation.  That if it gets to be too much you can come back home, figure your stuff out and go back and try again, if you choose.  And like John said, you almost always choose to try again.  

Divine intervention, as you call it, can occur if on the deeper level of a person's being they ask for it.  It is an unconscious act, a crying out from the subconscious self to stay.  In most of these cases a person will be glad that it didn't work out!  They will see this divine intervention as a gift.

But to say a person was supposed to die and that is why they were successful is a falsity.  It is a falsity because the Soul doesn't exist in a realm of "supposed to's", it lives in a reality of choice, freedom and complete acceptance of all choices made.  So the choice will be accepted by the Soul if it is the true desire of the incarnation to leave.  And, as John said, it will not be judged for that decision.  

Me- That makes me a little nervous.  Like it's going to encourage people to do it or something.

Ann- It may, but that is the reality of Soul, free will, no judgement.  Total understanding.

Me- But I also get that, sure as shit, if I were suffering so much I wanted to end my life- I wouldn't like the idea of going through all that painful stuff again just to get back to that moment of choice to try and conquer it this time.  And, I know myself well enough to say, I probably would because I love so deeply and want to help others and myself.  And I'm only thinking of this from my own limited view of love.  I can't imagine how strongly I would feel this desire to master my fear and pain and to choose LOVE if I were in the fullness of my own Soul.
(Pausing to take it in)

Me- Well, this kind of answers the next question...."What would you suggest, if a person is feeling suicidal, to help them overcome it."  But do you have anything to add.

Ann- Certainly!  We want to remind you that you must reach out.  You are not meant to conquer this life alone.  Nor are you meant to do it perfectly.  We encourage you to be vulnerable, to talk about your suffering with someone you trust and to share it fully and openly.  To cry if need be on the shoulder of someone and allow them to hold you in your fragileness.  Tell the truth.

There are so many who have come to this Earth to be just that- the shoulder to cry on.  So do not fool yourself into believing that no one is available to you.  Open your eyes and ask your Soul to direct you to someone.  That shoulder is within your reach.  Even if you have to go knock on your neighbors door!

Frank- Fuck what is called "appropriate".  Reach out!  Give someone the opportunity to love.  Did you ever think that perhaps your pain is an opportunity for another person to BE LOVE?  So don't hide in it.  Be open about it- be raw, be real!  

So much of the suffering you put yourselves through is related to lying about who you are anyways.  The challenge is to BE YOURSELF and to let the chips fall where they may.  So I say, don't leave this planet without at least giving it your full on effort of being TOTALLY HONEST AND TOTALLY YOURSELF for at least a year.  

One might be surprised how much better their life feels when they say, 'fuck it, I'm just going to be myself'.

John- I would also suggest the art of giving.  Get outside of your own pain and be the love that another needs for theirs.  Give yourself in service.  I offered my life in service as a fransican monk because I had great suffering.  I had lost my whole family to illness and felt like I had no further purpose on this Earth and longed to be with those I had lost.  I was contemplating ending my life when you came along young lady.  You came begging at my door!  I let you in and fed you and listened to you chatter away.  I was struck with sadness at the hardships you were enduring and how you were continuing to choose life.  You were only about 9 years old at that time.  When you left I couldn't believe how much better I felt.  I actually felt like I had a reason to stay, to help ease the suffering of others.

It caused me to make a huge shift.  I gave all of my belongings to the church and entered the priesthood.  

Me- Oh my gosh! I never knew that- you never told me about that.

John- (smiling and nodding)

Me- Ok, last question, although I already know the answer to this one- "Do suicides go to hell or are there any repercussions in the afterlife for it?"

Frank- (holding his hands up) I got this one guys...... "Nope and Nope"

Me- well ok then!


  1. Sorry guys.... I type so fast that I make a lot of word structure errors. Have tried to go back and correct as many as I could.

  2. Love this. Thank you for addressing this difficult topic.

  3. Martina,

    This really helps me put into perspective the loss of a relative who resorted to suicide after so many years in pain. His soul was the one bugging you the night before our group session at my home last Christmas. You had to have your guides help you to get him to wait until the next day to come through to his Mother. Thanks!!


  4. Thank you for this explanation. It really helps me to put into perspective the loss of a relative who resorted to suicide after many years of pain. He was the soul that kept bugging you the night before our group session at my home last Christmas. You needed the help of your guides to get him to wait until the following day to come through for his Mother. Thanks so much.


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