And the journey of healing myself begins......
The last 10 years have been so hard on my body- let me rephrase that, I have been so hard on my body. After so many years of overworking myself, over-giving and only minimally addressing my basic physical needs- I finally hit bottom. My body gave up.
I thought all was well until about three months ago I crashed physically. I could barely sleep more than a few hours at a time without waking up with nightmares and anxiety. My heart would be racing and my stomach growling. My blood sugar was crashing and signaling my adrenals to wake me up quickly so that I would wake up the next day. My adrenals were on their last limb and I was feeling it in every way.
My body ached all the time and I was continuously tired. My level of fatigue became almost unbearable. I would be in tears by 2pm wishing I could just crawl in bed and sleep the rest of the day and yet SO HAPPY with my life and wishing I had the energy to be living it fully and vibrantly.
I would literally shake with fatigue and exhaustion- yet push myself to "get it done"- and it sucked.
Enough was enough. One evening I decided to stop, pray and listen to my body. My body had a "come to Jesus" talk with me. I had ignored my body's needs for too long- it was struggling to keep my upright most days! I sat quietly in meditation and invited my body to speak honestly with me. A beautiful white haired woman in a deep blue velvet gown entered my consciousness. She told me that she represented all the cells of my body. She radiated wisdom and deep love to me.
I listened and cried as she talked about how all of my body's cells loved me and served me unconditionally and with joy- but, having tried their best, were now in a crisis state and needed my help. She listed all the changes I needed to make and asked me to honor them. As hard as some of them seemed- I knew in my heart I would, that I had to or life would lose all joy.
Love honors and I love my body- I deeply respect it's service to me, even after all of these years of treating it quite oppositely. I knew I needed to ACT from this love- not just feel it. I knew this was a make or break moment. I knew if I kept it up, my husband would be without a wife and my children motherless. Just when my life was getting to be the best it's ever been- my body said, "It's my turn" and sent me crashing downwards towards a wake up call.
As the meditation continued, She showed me how offering healing and mediumship for the last 18 years were great gifts but had required incredible energy expenditure from the cells of my body. And lacking regular exercise (due to my fatigue and a trillion other excuses), lack of a nutritionally packed diet, lack of restful sleep and most of all deep restoration periods for my own healing ( I used to work myself sometimes 6 days a week and also play super wife and mom) had taken a deep and scarring toll on my cells. They were in crisis and I was the ONLY ONE who could help.
I came out of the meditation and felt a sense of purpose. In the past I would get irritated with my body's "weaknesses" and interferences in my flow of energy. Not today, today I listened and I HEARD. I cried and asked God to help me forgive myself for all the years of neglect I had inflicted upon myself. And I prayed for direction.
I was guided to all the right information and all the right people. I am suffering from adrenal exhaustion.
I am sharing this deeply personal topic with you because I think humility is a beautiful thing. And I am humbled by this. And in that humility I feel I can raise myself up again and start fresh. I can forgive and walk a new direction. I can also let you know- if you have any resemblance to this challenge that you are not alone in it either.
I am on the uphill climb to recovery and well being now. I have been for almost a month. It has been a beautiful journey. I ONLY put healthy things into my body and I pray over every meal and declare that it nourishes all of my cells for their highest good. When I feel tired at 2pm, I take a walk and do yoga and my energy begins to flow again. I take supplements that are natural and healing for my cells and I make sleep a priority. I gave up alcohol (didn't really use it much anyways) and white flours and sugars. It's WAY EASIER than I thought it would be. My only challenge is getting myself to exercise when I feel like going to sleep. But, I've done it enough now to know what the end result will be- invigoration! And surprisingly I have found a new love for movement again. I used to be a dancer many eons ago- and now walking and boogying my ass down fawn drive feels fantastic!
I even sing out loud with my headphones on. No worries, weird is normal in Sedona, didn't you know?
And lastly, I am not doing this alone. This would have been my "old" way of handling my life..... but not this time. I know how far I have fallen and I am going to need hands to hold and words of wisdom along the way. I have a dear friend who checks in and encourages me every few days.... and she believes in me. My husband is completely supportive and then there is my professional help. I am seeing a doctor for the first time in 6 years- a naturopathic medical doctor who is treating my adrenal/thryoid and hormone imbalances. I am told it can take a up to a year to heal these issues..... that's ok. I have the rest of my life :)